We should have never lived like skyscrapers

Day Four of Maternity Leave

2009-05-14T10:02:00.003-05:00

"You are going to be soo bored."

I can't count how many people at work have said this to me. And they were all right. I knew they were. You would think that having a child on the way in a brand new apartment would supply me with many things to do while on leave. Yes, you would think. But the sad truth is: I can't force myself to do any of it. I have had a nice, tame pregnancy. I had the usual morning sickness for the first trimester but other than that I have been very lucky.

But now, here it is. I am past the nine month mark, little Jonas could come at any second, and I am too tired and sore to lift myself up to do anything. It's hard to walk around. It's hard to move. Who knew that so many crotch muscles were used just to get off the couch? Well, it hurts. I feel old and crippled.

And there is also the fact that, and I am sorry to say this, our new apartment frustrates me. Horribly. I like the apartment itself. It's cute, has a perfect sized bedroom for Jonas and lots of windows. However, it was given to us dirty. And in need of repairs. Now, I know.. wah wah, this kind of stuff happens all of the time. But am I terribly naive to think that a landlord should take care of these things before the next tenants move in? I really don't think so. I like cleaning. I like to have a clean living space. I always found some kind of strange happiness in cleaning my apartment. However, I was cleaning MY dirtiness. MY messes. The idea of coming into a new place and having to clean up someone else's mess makes me nauseous. We have lived here for about six weeks and still have not used the oven because it is disgusting on the inside and I refuse to use it until it is clean. I also refuse to clean it. Someone else should have and it pisses me off that it was left to me to do it. So I'm not doing it. Mature? No. Spiteful and possibly irrational? Yes. Do I care?! Honestly, no. Should this be the attitude of a brand new mother? Probably not. But I know that my frustration with this place (oh and also, the bathroom floor needs to be completely redone) has stoped me from my nesting. I want Jonas to come home to a clean place and good home, but I just don't know if I truly feel like this place is it. It frustrates me, and stops me from further making it better. It's like I feel like it started off bad, so it's going to stay that way.

The good news is, we are on a month to month lease. We can leave whenever the hell we feel like it. Now, I am sure it won't be any time soon. We just got here, we just got semi unpacked, and doing all of that all over again so soon sounds ridiculous. Especially with a newborn. But I have to admit that I get so tempted, still, to look for a different place.

life.

2008-12-20T18:44:00.005-05:00

Around the time of my last post was when my first child was conceived. A child that took me two entire months to accept. Two entire months to stop referring to it as the "parasite", or the "gross ass fetus". Two entire months to want it. It has graduated from those terms of lack of endearment and is now being called, simply, Jonas. Jonas Charles. I am 18 weeks pregnant, and I have finally grown quite fond of him over the past couple of weeks.

I have felt so lucky, lately. The fact that this happened with David. He has changed so much since his life in Arizona. More mature. He no longer feels like he has to be the clown. Doesn't have to act out passive aggressively towards the people he surrounded his life with. He can just be himself. Be happy. And I am happy to be something that helped bring that necessary change to his life.

Everything that has happened with us has felt like a natural progression; the next step. When I first saw those two pink lines on the white stick after two weeks of what I thought was the stomach flu, or food poisoning, I cried. Not tears of joy, mind you. I went to David on the couch and he smiled, and put his arms around me. He made a nervous giggle, but I knew he was happy. He was willing to do anything that I wanted. Keep it. Don't keep it. But I knew that deep down he wanted to keep it more than anything else. Well, lucky for him, abortion is something that never sat well with me. It was never an option. Two months after that night, and one week after my first ultra sound and introduction to what I was told was my son, I joined David in being happy.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the things David went through in his life in Arizona, and it upsets me. I hate that he went through the things that he went through, but I am grateful for them as well. Those things led him here, to me. Ever since the first day that we moved in together I have felt so grateful. I felt like this is the person I was supposed to be with for all of these years. The person I deserved. The person who will love and be as selfless as anyone can be. I try like hell to give it back to him, and so far I think I do an okay job. Maybe not as good of a job as he does, but I still try.

I never wanted kids. It's not something I grew up dreaming of. It was an accident. But it's something I now welcome happily. I don't know if this is my life figuring itself out, but I can truly say that I like the direction it has started to go in.

2008-07-30T07:32:00.001-05:00

Anything

2008-06-28T21:21:00.002-05:00

And I could take another hit for you
And I could take away your trips from you
And I could take away the salt from your eyes
And take away the spitting salt in you
And I could give you my apologies
By handing over my neologies
And I could take away the shaking knees
And I could give you all the olive trees
Oh look at the trees and look at my face
And look at a place far away from here

So give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood, your bones
Your voice, and your ghost

We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Wait for the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves

But I'll believe in anything
And you'll believe in anything

jane says

2008-06-21T13:53:00.001-05:00

I'm going away to Spain, when I get my money saved.
I'm going to start tomorrow.

Piggy!

2008-06-19T21:02:00.001-05:00

An Unconventional Ode

2008-06-14T21:05:00.004-05:00

Dearest Angela Chase,

You have helped me so much throughout the duration of my growing up. I loved your family, your house, your friends. They always comforted me in ways I cannot explain. I often considered myself to be a younger version of you, and looked up to you. Things you have said over the years have become like a religion to me. You have so much pure and simple wisdom, and word things in such an obviously genius way that it's the most truth anyone has ever told me.

You were there when I first entered John Yeates Middle School. When I first noticed the differences in people. The way in which I was different from people. In the eighth grade, when I befriended "the popular kids" and was sucked into inevitable drama and cruelty.

When I entered High School, I found myself longing for your presence even more. I became more like you than I could even realize at the time. I became a thinker like you. I started to hate hypocracy, repetition. I became all too familiar with human nature, the way other people's brains work. I began to read people, and noticed that they were like clockwork.

I fell in love with a boy. The second thing I loved outside of my family after Smashing Pumpkins (which you also loved). I lived and breathed him as you did your Jordan. He broke my heart like Jordan broke yours. My best friend betrayed me, just like yours did. I had my first boyfriend. Then my second. That one lasted me for four more years after graduation.

I do not know what happened to you after High School. You could have become very successful. You could have worked in retail. You could have married. Jordan, Brian, who knows.

But you were always there. Whenever I was lied to, you were there. Whenever my I got my first job, you were there. I quit my first job, you offered me the most comfort that anyone had to offer. I always preferred you over everyone else. No one understood me like you did. No one understood you like I did.

Now I am 23. I am on job number three and boyfriend number three. I am the same me, only multiplied by about 100. I am smarter, funnier, prettier, more snobby, more closed off, more sarcastic, more of a perfectionist, and more obsessive compulsive. I have habits I can't shake. I still peel my skin around my fingernails. I count things constantly. Tangible or not. My eyes repeatedly trace patterns. And then count them. It is quite annoying but I can't stop. Something tells me you probably do the same kinds of things, and it makes me smile.

I owe a lot to you. You have made my life so much easier to deal with. Whenever I would come home, lie on the couch, tears in my eyes, you would automatically cheer me up. I would get swept away in your world. It became my own. Please do not be upset that I have recently graduated on to a more (argumentatively) mature retreat. More literature, music, and film obsessed, less teen drama. It describes me fairly well at this point in my life. It sweeps me away from any unhappy moments I have. It makes me smile and forget the world just as easily as you did. You have not been replaced. We all go through phases. Although my love for both you and my two Lor's will last a lifetime.

Sincerely,
Kasey

Obligations

2008-06-12T19:14:00.002-05:00

I do not do anything for you.
The only thing keeping me going is the money.
And the fact that I have to be good at everything I do.

Not only that, but I also have to be better than you, at what you do.

And yet again..

2008-06-05T12:03:00.004-05:00

I hate ungrateful pieces of shit.

Shitty company. Shitty people.
The only thing good about the place I work is the food. That is a fact.

I called out of work today. 90 percent of the reason being because I pulled my knee something awful last night (which was previously dislocated and is now very fragile) and am now a gimp. 10 percent of the reason being: I will kill someone if I go into work today. I need a day to cool off.

Today I plan on gimping around the locale and seeing if anyone wants to hire a cute red head who will do ANYTHING to get away from her current place of work. Any takers?

Picture time

2008-05-22T16:52:00.020-05:00

I don't know what's going on with my camera lately, but the quality of these pictures are really the opposite of great. Oh well.

These were taken in Wilmington, North Carolina. This town is pretty much the Hollywood of the East Coast. Everyone films there. Movies, TV shows. And tons and tons of them My friend Kenny and I went to see the filming locations of three movies in particular: Blue Velvet, Dream a little Dream, and Empire Records. If you haven't seen all of these movies, you are lame.

This is the school in Dream a Little Dream and Blue Velvet. I am quite sure it has been used for other filmings as well, but these two movies were the main focus of mine and Kenny's excursion to the NC.

This is the staircase on which Corey Feldman stands during the famous montage while waiting for his lady friend in Dream a Little Dream.

Dorothy Valens's apartment building in Blue Velvet:

The staircase where Frank spots Jeffery (Blue Velvet):

The restaurant in Dream a Little Dream:

The main house in Dream a Little Dream:

And now onto Empire Records. Now, if you are a huge fan of the movie.. brace yourself. It was not what was expected.
Here is the actual store:

Yep, that's it. They obviously had to add on a lot to make it look the way it does. Also, whenever they filmed the inside of it, it was a soundstage. But this is the street, the outside building, the restaurant next door was the one used in the movie in the "Hey you forgot your thingy!" scene, the entire movie was filmed on this street. I even snapped some pictures of the bridge that is seen behind the actors almost every single time they are outside.

Aaaannddd Kenny!:

All in all, Wilmington was one of the most beautiful towns I have ever been to. I can absolutely see why people choose to film there. Kenny and I made plans for the four of us (adding David and Emily) to stay a weekend there. Whenever we have the funds, it's on. I can't wait.

books. sex. "poetry"?

2008-05-19T19:26:00.004-05:00

I think I might apply to work in a library across the water. That sounds incredibly sexy.

What the Living Do by Marie Howe

Johnny, the kitchen sink has been clogged for days, some utensil probably fell down there. And the Drano won't work but smells dangerous, and the crusty dishes have piled up waiting for the plumber I still haven't called.

This is the everyday we spoke of.

It's winter again: the sky's a deep, headstrong blue, and the sunlight pours through the open living-room windows because the heat's on too high in here and I can't turn it off.

For weeks now, driving, or dropping a bag of groceries in the street, the bag breaking. I've been thinking: This is what the living do.

And yesterday, hurrying along those wobbly bricks in the Cambridge sidewalk, spilling my coffee down my wrist and sleeve.

I thought it again, and again later, when buying a hairbrush: This is it.
Parking. Slamming the car door shut in the cold. What you called that yearning.

What you finally gave up. We want the spring to come and the winter to pass. We want
whoever to call or not call, a letter, a kiss--we want more and more and then more of it.

But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass,
say, the window of the corner video store, and I'm gripped by a cherishing so deep for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I'm speechless:
I am living. I remember you.

They don't teach humility

2008-05-12T20:22:00.002-05:00

He stands, hand on the wall, leaning. Wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and a small white undershirt, he looks at his bike then notices me staring at him.

D: "What?!"
K: "You just look really good."
D: "Dude, I know!"

2008-05-09T09:39:00.001-05:00

"Gods always come in handy. They justify almost anything."

the wisdom of yesterday

2008-04-24T17:19:00.002-05:00

C: "I think we're going to get a lot of salad orders today."
K: "Why, because it's warm out?"
C: "Well, it's 'Secretary's Day', and you know how women like to order salads in front of men.."

Page 181

2008-04-22T19:10:00.001-05:00

"I hug my knowledge, which is new but doesn't surprise me: boys are my secret allies."

"Freedom of the press!"

2008-04-05T12:11:00.007-05:00

I do not care for magazines, newspapers, etc. Media in my opinion is so incredibly biased, I hardly bother. If you know me at all, you know that I do not like being told what to do or what to think. I cannot pick up a newspaper and read an article without being beaten on the head with whatever the oh so intellectual writer feels on what they are doing a story about. Whatever happened to the third party view? What happened to not making your readers feel like idiots for having a difference of opinion? Who knows.

I do, however, have a subscription to Nylon. Mostly because it was free, and Nylon is a magazine that, I must say, is very different from most and I like it. They don't scream at you with their own opinions, they are very open minded, they keep up with good indie music and indie designers, and people with very unique and interesting lifestyles.

Now with this long and probably somewhat useless intro, I give you my main reason for posting this.

This month's (I'm assuming it is this month, I do not read it) issue of Vogue:

What's the problem? People are calling it racist. Why?

I will not call this racism. I will call it hilarious, because that is what it is. Whether the supposed racist slight of this cover was a conscious thought to the editor of Vogue or not, this magazine has once again served to entertain me. Never will I pick this magazine up because really, it's one of the most superficial and boring things I have ever gone through. But it has amused me quite a few times. Lest we forget the rant I had months ago about people freaking out over an issue of Vogue Italia and it's "offensive" photo shoot (rant seen here:

http://mandateheaven.blogspot.com/2007/09/no-theyll-never-catch-me-now.html)

That bustled me up quite a bit. I was annoyed and amused at the same time. So, while I may never spend my hard earned money on you, Vogue, I am grateful for whatever instances you create in which people's ignorance and/or uptightness is brought to my attention. Allowing me to mock it. Adeiu!

TGIF

2008-04-04T08:46:00.008-05:00

On Easter Sunday, an Agnostic Existentialist and a Atheistic Buddhist (Buddhist Atheist?) sat down and colored eggs.

*These pictures are not from Eater. Just of the eggs.

Rawr!

Funny Games

2008-04-01T15:39:00.005-05:00

The boy and I cannot find this movie and it is driving us insane. These are two of the cutest psychos I have ever seen. My love for Michael Pitt just keeps growing and growing. The Dreamers (wonderful movie) started my fascination, Hedwig and the Angry Inch (fun, but have to be in the mood to watch it) and others helped solidify it. I think he is pretty much one of my favorite people in general. Ever. And after seeing Brady Corbet play such an introverted and quiet/dorky character in Mysterious Skin (another amazing movie, how many is that mentioned now?), it will be pretty amazing to see him play a character such as this.

By the way.. IMDB has The Dreamers being listed with the likeness of Caligula and Salo? SALO?! Are you kidding me?! Way off base. But then again, their whole "If you enjoyed this title" is usually off, in my opinion.

I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier

2008-03-30T20:52:00.011-05:00

Sundays.
Feeling bored and insatiable for months on end.
My job. I hate it. I hate my job.
Slicing my palm at work with freshly sharpened knives.
Burning my finger on a piece of equipment that is so hot it made my skin bubble, then fall off.
Remakes of Japanese horror movies.

A new painting on our living room.
I finally put up the anatomy pictures in our bathroom.
Fun date nights with the boy.
The Strangers. Seems promising. I hope they stab the fuck out of Liv Tyler.
No Country for Old Men.
My newly healed tattoo.
The intro to Southland Tales. Possibly one of the best ever.
I have the best cat ever.
I will be in New York in about nine days.

So, yes. I do hate my job. I feel myself becoming blank, but the problem is it only happens when I am home. When I am at work I am quite animated. Whether it be animated with annoyance of shitty management, or just being caught up in conversation with the few interesting people I work with. Then I come home and wish I didn't have the job that I have. On the weekends I wish I had more to do. More people to talk to. I am becoming blank, but I wish it was only in my workplace. I was 99% ready to put my two weeks in a few days ago but David talked me out of it. I swear that one of these days I am going to go off in that place. Sometimes when I think about it it makes me feel bad seeing as how my boss lady has really made an effort to handle my social anxiety issues as best as she can, taking me away from the general public as much as possible. But that doesn't make up for crappy management. Nothing does.

All of this is really not to be mistaken for being anti social, because I am far from that. I am quite social, the problem is that I hardly find people worth talking to. Snobby? Maybe. But I really will not be bothered to talk to certain people, or even try to contribute much to the conversation. If I am around people who I feel are my equal in some way, I will converse. If not, I really do not have much to say to you. I have recently hung out with a girl I work with, and I like her. I was pleasantly surprised. She's crazy, has no filter whatsoever in anything she says, and is (sorry to say) shockingly intelligent. And it comes in random, delightful spurts (shut it, David). One of the reasons I dislike most people so much is because I read them very well. People are books with no covers. It doesn't take much for me to figure what they are all about. I recently met one of David's friends that had a complete locked cover on them. I cannot figure this person out. I look foward to being around both of these people more in the future.

Wow, I can be quite verbose at the most unexpected times.

I took pictures of our new decorative additions. The ones in the bathroom are blurry. I didn't have the patience; I just wanted it done.

Can vanity and happiness coexist?

2008-03-13T17:01:00.004-05:00

"So, Red, are you a DJ?"
"No. Music is important to everyone and I am not excluded."

I finally got my very first tattoo on Tuesday. I have thought about this in great detail for many many years. I am incredibly happy with it. It's not some tramp stamp (a new term I recently learned for a lower back tattoo on a female, apparently everyone except me has heard it), it's not a flower or some animal/insect with wings. It's not stars and hearts. It's just.. me.

Whenever I get my USB cable fixed I shall show the internet world.

Today I made a play date with the first female I have met in a long time that I may actually be able to be friends with. We share a lot of the same qualities. Important qualities that I look for in a girl. A bit eccentric, very blunt, a distaste for the general public, a hatred for typical female drama. And plus, she's funny! Possibly one of the most entertaining people I have ever known.

No David, our relationship is safe.

Fame, Fame, Fatal Fame.

2008-02-26T23:26:00.003-05:00

.

I didn't realize that you wrote poetry.
I didn't realize you wrote such bloody awful poetry.

All poetry really is quite bad.

.

Old Picture time again

2008-02-24T21:21:00.003-05:00

Myself and Shannon Leto. Two years ago. My head band had been broken, my hair had been ripped out, and I almost passed out because of an extreme fluctuation of sugar levels. It was a great night.

Valentine's Day

2008-02-22T23:32:00.009-05:00

David bought me flowers and cookies which were delivered to me while I was at work.

The cookies were delivered in an adorable pink box with a note attached that read: "Your sweets, Miss Antoinette." I'm not one to be sappy, but I must say that was quite clever on the boy's part.

I came home and made cupcakes.

Step One Banana cake:

Step Two Strawberry Icing:

Step Three Colorful Sprinkles! In this case, blue and yellow.

Miss Anne Thrope

2008-02-20T17:02:00.002-05:00

Emily Gilmore: Flying, thumping balls all over the place.
Lorelai Gilmore: Flying, thumping... what all over the place?
Emily Gilmore: Balls.
Lorelai Gilmore: *giggles*
Emily Gilmore: You are four.
Lorelai Gilmore: Balls are funny.

Oh, Lorelai Gilmore, I strive to be more and more like you everyday.

I had my earliest shift at work today. I had to wake up at about 4:30 and it pretty much sucked. Although once I finally got there, it was pretty nice. There is something oddly poetic about a place before it opens. You feel somewhat liberated and like you are actually linked with your fellow coworkers. But then the doors finally open and the only thing linking you with them is the likewise sentiment of misanthrope. Or maybe that's just me. Well, at least a handful of others. I truly am getting sick of that place. Sam tells me the other night that he would actually hire me at his store when he gets it. Holy shit, I'm not blacklisted for walking out on that company (or cunt ass bitch of a manager, rather)?! Apparently, not really. Lisa tried to ruin me, but as I was just informed, Sam can hire me if he so desires. This was pretty much amazing news. It's possible that I may eventually go back to the ONLY job I ever actually liked. The only downside is that my current job pays me really well and gives me an AMAZING AMAZING schedule. Monday through Friday, mornings to afternoons. You just don't get that in my line of work. Ever. I know that Sam cannot guarantee the same positive characteristics in the job he may give me, and plus Cori has really made a huge effort to help me out with my retarded people-hating social anxiety issues. Blah.

But whatever. If you hate a job, you hate a job. Who cares if it will be less pay and sometimes will have to work closing shifts. It's a job that I know I like. And I would be working for a manager who I know works his ass off and is very fair. Unlike my current managers who like to stand around and chit chat more than actually assisting associates. I don't even know why I am obsessing over this. Sam may not get his own store for months.

Anyways. I am tired as hell and I feel sick. Peace be with you.

Parts

2008-02-19T17:24:00.004-05:00

And finally.. the ring David got me on my scrawny fingah.

My oh my, does little Griffin Frost have a tattoo?!

2008-02-15T22:10:00.004-05:00

My Babys, originally uploaded by Shawn Hayes.

Abby and Griffin. I love this picture. My uncle takes amazing photographs, and I have the cutest little cousins. I always think she looks so much like me when I was little.

I miss my Arkansan family.

Apartment

2008-02-12T17:18:00.001-05:00

Some pictures for random's sake.

Our walls are still pretty bare compared to what we want and our shelving isn't very full because we need to buy more support for the long boards (they're kind of bendy in the middle), but it's coming together pretty well.

Vita

2008-02-05T17:03:00.000-05:00

Birthday tomorrow. Meh. I could care less. I do not want to get old and I do not want to die.
David sang at a karaoke bar this past weekend with some friends.
Twice.
It was hot.
We moved our couch around and putting shelving. It looks amazing.
Goodbye seven pounds, hello to the weekend and a new tattoo.

Old journals

2008-01-22T17:51:00.000-05:00

"Plagued with insomnia, I loaded every single song I have into one gigantic playlist and started reading lots of pages of my current entertainment choice. Then "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison came on and I sat my laptop aside and lied down, cuddling with my pillow with the volume all the way up. It's really the only thing you can do when such a moment occurs. The song ended. I sat up, turned the volume way back down to it's original decibel.

I love you, Van Morrison."

I miss writing about tiny little things. Little moments like this. One year to a year and a half ago I was pretty miserable. Trying to get over a guy I had been with for four years and how we couldn't leave each other alone. I never slept. I worked. Stayed out late with friends. Cried over being treated horribly by Nathan. I was never happy, except for when a long lost boy in Arizona would comfort me from afar. Yet somehow, I posted nonstop. Somewhat brilliantly, at that.

I don't know if all of it left me completely stoic, but I can't get it back.

Weekend

2008-01-14T12:28:00.000-05:00

Friday night the boy and I hung out with some of his friends from work and went out to a Karaoke Bar. I have to say, Michael is one of the funniest and most entertaining people I have ever met. We all laughed, listened to some really bad singing, Ashley complained about the weak alcohol, ordered cheese fries and helped David pick around the bacon that they had on them when they arrived, and a girl won my heart by singing "Zombie" by The Cranberries. Best song of the night. It was the first night I drove home under the influence (that's what kamikaze shots will do to you). It was scary, but a fun night.

Saturday I worked. Came home. Cooked. Lied around. Fell asleep.

Then yesterday David and I went out to Newport News so that I could go to Ulta and buy some Urban Decay.

Then we went to Moe's. Gigantic delicious burritos. Mmm..

After that we went to Panera for some coffee and sugary goodness.

We took notice of the nice blue ceiling.

Afterwords we went to a Borders and I found the best thing. Something I have wanted forever.

For the longest time I have wanted to use something like this for bathroom decor. Inside are various detailed (labeled) pictures of the human body. I plan on using the specific pages of the liver, the male and female reproductive systems, and the digestive systems to put on our bathroom walls. Good reading material and such.

After our shopping we stopped by my dad's. We hung around, ate some muffins, and watched the Sarah Connor Chronicles. I really don't know what to think of it, but the geek in me got a bit excited when I heard Summer Glau say those ever so famous lines: "Come with me if you want to live."

After we leave we head straight to the Bier Garden to hang out with David's bike friends. Now a Sunday night tradition.

Hopefully this coming week will be a good one. It will be my last six day work week (ever, hopefully) and now that I told Cori that I will no longer be available on Saturdays, I will start having a three day weekend after this last week.

Breakfast and coffee time!

Saturday night.

2008-01-07T17:44:00.001-05:00

Hello, winter.

2008-01-02T23:36:00.000-05:00

It started snowing today.
Lovely flurries right outside my work windows.
It made the day much nicer.

my head hurts

2007-12-31T17:56:00.000-05:00

Things I need to keep reminding myself of:

Pictures do not have to be some kind of photographic genius for them to be good pictures. They serve as reminders. Mile markers. Documentations.
This site does not have to constantly consist of posts with any particular meaning or intellect. It is my site for whatever I want. It doesn't have to be mind blowing or life changing.

I don't know if it's my closing myself off more and more from the outside world, a lack of exercising my mind, or both. Nonetheless, I need to post more.

One taste of you, my magdalena.

2007-12-26T22:18:00.001-05:00

Christmas came and went and it was nice. Christmas Eve with my dad. Presents, food, driving around looking at lovely lights. Christmas Day started with coffee and donuts and David-Kasey presents. Then my mom came over with food and even more presents (even some for the dogs and my Tilly). Later on we sat in the barber chair of Sweeney Todd and was highly entertained.

The boy and I have been watching Metalocalypse a lot lately. What an awesome show.

I am on my second day of my week off.. Heaven. Although, I wish there was a switch that I could push so that my entire existence could turn off. Then I would turn myself back on after a week. That is what I feel I need. Thankfully, we received a lot of money over the past few days and that should be alleviating a lot of my stress. Hopefully. And hopefully I do not over eat. Damn holidays.

meh.

2007-12-10T21:28:00.000-05:00

It's becoming more and more difficult to post on this thing. I don't know if it's apathy or just not even caring to communicate anymore. Even if it is on some "blog" site that isn't updated for anyone. I'm stressing out too much lately and grow more and more bitter towards my job and the people there. Apparently I was mean to Stewart today. I couldn't help it, he was driving me insane. And I cannot stand when people always say "Oh, I'll do that for you!" Or "Let me get that for you." Um, NO. I am the epitome of an Aquarius. I like to do things myself. I refuse to remain in one space while there are things to be done. And don't ask me how something is coming every five minutes, and ask me AGAIN when you see the damn evidence of my work in my freaking hands. This provokes the annoyance in my voice and the comments that compel fellow co-workers to ask me why I am "being so mean" to them. I wasn't being mean. It's called leave me the fuck alone and let me do my job. I cannot wait for my six days off at the end of this month, I really need it.

Mm, weekend.

2007-12-07T21:31:00.000-05:00

K: "Why would you wanna bang a fatty?"
D: "'Cause it's easy!"

David's office Holiday Party tomorrow night. Fun? We shall see. Meanwhile. A few nights ago I was feeling particularly melancholy, so David let me open a present early.

It's the wine from The Williamsburg Winery I have been wanting since February! Yay for presents.

It's a good Monday night when..

2007-11-27T00:05:00.000-05:00

It leaves you thinking of two things:

France

Deauville, France, originally uploaded by fbjmobile.

And holiday cupcakes

holiday cupcakes 3, originally uploaded by jleighb.

Blur.

2007-11-25T22:27:00.000-05:00

I need something to inspire me. I have run out of life, lately.

These photographs were taken on Thanksgiving in my neighborhood.

It's typically Sunday

2007-11-18T12:47:00.000-05:00

Last night was the Illumination of Norfolk and Olde Towne Portsmouth. At 7 p.m. all of the buildings lit up with Christmas lights.

Arcade Fire is the most perfect music for this time of year. At work I have to fake caring about other people (which is completely against my character) and what they want. That's life. "You gotta work hard and you gotta get paid." I have a shitty manager that causes me to curse and clock out an hour after I am supposed to nearly every day. Then I leave the building and get in David's truck. The sun is always setting by that time (4:30 - 5ish) because it's November on the East Coast. Arcade Fire has not come out of the CD player for a long time. It's the most amazing thing to hear while I am looking at the beautiful colors that surround my life. The fall painted trees and the impending sunset. Win Butler really understands spoken imagery. He understands beauty, along with the rest of his band. It's something I greatly appreciate.

I really need to photograph this Fall before it goes away.

<3

Walking in a straight line

2007-11-15T21:02:00.000-05:00

"Motherfucking cocksucker motherfucking shit fucker what am I doing? What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing the best that I can."

It is beautiful outside, though.

This girl loves the holidays

2007-11-05T12:15:00.000-05:00

Last night I drank eggnog while the boy and I watched National Lampoon's (Chevy Chase's) Christmas Vacation. It made me happy.

Now time for pictures from last weekend:

Home is tall

How long 'til the music drowns you out?

2007-11-02T20:13:00.000-05:00

Today was so cold. The boy and I stopped by Petsmart and I wanted to run to the door. It seems it's time to put away the thin hoody and trade it in for the thicker ones. All today at work I kept thinking that very soon I must watch Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation. I love that movie and it is a necessity at this time of year. As are My So Called Life marathons and particular music choices. I have seasonal music tastes. Of course, every band/group/singer that I like, I will listen to all year 'round and will always love. But when a certain time of year comes around, there are some things that I just must listen to. These include:

Arcade Fire
The Smiths
Chin Up Chin Up
Wolf Parade
The Decemberists
Tom Waits
Hellogoodbye
Giant Drag

And one important one that I didn't even remember until now: Ashlee Simpson's second album. That's right, Ashlee. She is my "guilty" pleasure. I say "guilty" because, I don't really feel any guilt about it. I love Ashlee Simpson and most people that know me know that. I could really care less how popular or how obscure a band is. If I like them, I like them. Therefore I really have no guilty pleasures. But anyways. Ashlee's first CD is a summer CD, and her second one is a cold weather one. I just made David burn it for me because both of my Ashlee CDs have been long gone since last winter when I left them at my old job haha. Me smurt.

I'm tired. I didn't get much sleep last night at all, and the night before wasn't great for sleeping either. But I am looking forward to getting tomorrow's work day over with and starting the weekend. It's cold now, and the clocks get set back Sunday. This should be a fun weekend. Not as much spending as last weekend, but just as fun. And cleaning. Oh, lots and lots of cleaning. Unfortunately.

Haha. Some girl asked David if he thought she was prettier than me. Ohh the absurdity of that question. On so many levels. Especially considering the fact that that boy loves my face more than I've seen anyone love a face. Biznatches.

I might post some pictures of last weekend soon. The boy keeps getting skinnier and skinnier!

Come the harvest, it's season's change

2007-10-29T22:16:00.000-05:00

This weekend was a jolly good one. A perfect fall weekend. I am quite proud of the boy and me. Instead of lying around all tired and just basking in the weekend non working glow, we got out and did something every single day.

Saturday after I got off work we rode on a cold ferry ride and went to Norfolk. We walked around and went to MacArthur where we spent lots of our well earned, should-have-been saved for bills money. And neither of us regret it. One of the items we bought was a Yankee Candle with the scent of "Harvest" and it smells amazing. It smells like the Holidays. I have it lit every second we are home.

Sunday we went to Daily Grind, our local coffee shop. We drank coffee, ate some yummy gingerbread, and watched an old couple with their grandkids. Then later in the evening we ate at Panera Bread because that food is so freaking yummy and at random times I find myself craving it, and then went to The Naro for a viewing of Into the Wild. That movie was pretty sad, just like I expected it to be. David got pretty emotional just reading the book, so I figured the movie would be just the same. I didn't read the book, but I thought they did pretty well. Probably the most justice anyone could have done to that story. And that Emile Hirsch kid is pretty easy on the eyes, as well.

Today was the coldest day of our fall thus far, so David and I figured it would be the best day to go to the Haunted Hayride out in Virginia Beach. We bundled up (it was in the 40's outside at this point), went and got hot chocolate, then out to the hayride we went. I could tell that The Village of the Dead was missing some actors, but it was still a lot of fun. Then we got to the hayride which is always the best, and those mofos got some serious screaming out of those kids. It was pretty awesome.

We've been watching horror movies all week, and we are now currently watching Freddy vs. Jason. Or at least.. I'm watching and typing, while David is TRYING to watch but he's pretty much just falling asleep. I guess I'm off to try and put him to bed now.

Sunday Night Clever Quota

2007-10-29T00:12:00.000-05:00

*Watching Hellraiser*

"Why is he wearing clothes if he's just going to bleed all over them?"
-David

Then, when he sees I have posted this he proceeds to say:
"But you didn't even laugh that much!"

"Yeah, but I wanted to."

Your beating heart, baby

2007-10-26T20:19:00.000-05:00

A girl I work with (who is younger than I am) just recently got back from her honeymoon. At some point today she made a (sentimental) face and said "There are so many people who are pregnant or have babies.." My reply was "Hm.. I don't like babies or kids very much." She looked at me like I was crazy and asked if I was, in fact, a girl.

Just because I am female, I'm supposed to be found breathless and gasping at the sight of babies and tear up during lovey parts on the screen in front of me? Well sorry, it doesn't happen with this girl. I don't like babies. Kids annoy me. I'm not emotional or sensitive.

I do have a soft spot, though. I saw a kitten run into traffic and get hit by a car and cried and cried, and was in a pretty awful mood all day. *sigh* I can't handle that stuff.

So I'm trying to get my hair color to au naturale. It's going to take a few tries because it's supposed to be much lighter than what it is. I'll try again when I have the funds.

My dad should arrive in Virginia tomorrow! I don't know if I will actually see him tomorrow, but that's still exciting. Tomorrow is also the day that Kenny and Emily leave for North Carolina, which is the lamest thing ever. Whatever will David and I do with our time? We'll just have to add in more social engagements to our calendar. I hate not doing things. But luckily, Bright Eyes is will be here next month, and there are few other happenings in our future such as an invitation to tag along with one of my fellow employees to something ODU is putting on, and the holiday office party that David's fellow workmen put on (the past ones sound out of control!). The secretary even stopped by his office so that he could write down what kind of alcohol he wanted. I requested a good Merlot, saying it's the only alcohol I would drink because I am snobby like that. Hey, the girl likes her red wine.

Okay, time for late night french fries.

Life.

2007-10-17T19:22:00.000-05:00

Some good news in my world came along the other day. On Monday when I called my dad to tell him Happy Birthday, he told me he was moving back to the good ole Virgin-I-A. This makes me so happy because One: I'll get to see him more. Two: He won't be alone anymore. He has tons of friends here, and of course his adorable and awesome-o daughter and her charming boyfriend. Three: It's a hell of a lot more affordable to live here than in is in San Diego. I worried about him so much while he was out there alone. But now those worries will disintegrate as soon as he gets here. So, hurray for that.

This is my last week in which I work six days straight. I did it for two weeks, and I do not care for it. I finally have a weekend coming up, and at least my next paycheck will be quite impressive. Not to worry, though, because tomorrow when I go in I will be requesting off ten days in a row so that the boy and I can go to Mexico with his family this December. Mexico? For Christmas? Interesting choice, Buchtas. But hey, I'm not going to complain about a free trip outside of the country.

This weekend cannot come too soon. Going to the movies Friday night with Kenny and the gang. Then going to the Haunted House/Hayride in Virginia Beach on Saturday night. I'm going to try and find a deck of Phase 10 for us to play. Phase 10 is by far the BEST card game in existence and it always brings forth some insane fun. Yeah. Insane fun.

Now time for pictures of this past weekend:
The dice from the Halloween version of Yahtzee! Yahtzee is pretty lame in my opinion, but the dice is beyond adorable.

Kenny

Loki! I love this kitten.

The lovely David while we were running around Ghent on a beautiful Sunday

I loved this. I love cypress trees.

So there was this church that gets my thumbs up. Thumps up, Unitarian church.

Aaaanddd finally my new shoes! They're the prettiest shoes in this world and I love them.

That's that. I made stuffed shells for the first time ever tonight and it came out quite deliciously. I rock the culinary skills. We are now sitting around watching Goosebumps. Night.

Ugh

2007-10-11T18:06:00.000-05:00

MTV,

Stop whoring the wonderful Rilo Kiley like you did that horrible Paramore band.

Thanks.

And on a random note..

2007-10-01T16:04:00.001-05:00

Two posts in one day?! This is more of a *note to self* post.

So a couple of weeks ago was Fashion Week, and Betsey Johnson's collection was pretty much amazing and needless to say, was my favorite. She blew everyone else out of the fashion water. If water was fashionable. One thing that completely (and predictably, probably) caught my eye was her new and improved Heart Shaped Glasses. They are absolutely beautiful and I will kill to have them.

They will be mine. Oh yes. They will be mine.
*click to enlarge*

Another thing I loved about her collection was that she put heels with regular sock-length stockings/socks. I have always loved this look, but not very many people do it. They just put them with naked legs, or regular panty-hose. Think outside the box, people!

Children in the streets with their tricks and their treats.

2007-10-01T10:28:00.000-05:00

It is officially October. The air is feeling more and more crisp as the days go by, and I am getting horribly excited. Excited for scarves. Peacoats with skirts, warm stockings, and boots and arm-warmers. For Goosebumps coming on Cartoon Network every weeknight starting tonight (!!) and the many adorable haunted houses we will be attending, along with the random popping up of gigantic Halloween stores. I'm also excited for David. I know that he is really looking forward to living in a state that actually does get cold. Nothing beats cursing the harsh winter air while you jauntily skip to your warm vehicle.

So, time to start a new book! I believe I will be moving on to the biography of Marie Antoinette that David bought me. Speaking of Marie Antoinette.. the soundtrack is still the most amazing piece of compilation I have ever heard! It is the perfect exemplification of Kasey Music. All of my tastes rolled onto one album. It has been impossible for me to listen to anything else for months.

So we hung out with Sam the other night for the first time in forever. He dropped off the face of the earth for a while. I understand, though, because god knows I did it a lot last winter. It happens. Life happens. Sometimes you need to drop off the face of the earth for a while and reemerge, better suited to handle things that come at you. We walked around our neighborhood and stopped by The Daily Grind for some much needed caffeine.

In other friends news, David and I hung out with Kenny and James a little while ago and it consisted of a couple of hours with nothing but Guitar Hero on the television. *sigh* Oh, you gamers. I will never understand. I even have conversations with my manager at work about how we would both rather sit around and read a book than to play any type of video/computer game.

While on the subject of work.. So far I don't have any complaints with any of the managers. This is a good thing. Getting along with your boss is very, very important as Kasey History 101 will show you. The job is fine, but the shifts tend to feel like the longest ones ever. However, the hours are practically perfect and the pay is pretty damn awesome. So I haven't much room to complain.

Okay, time for a shower.

"No they'll never catch me now"

2007-09-20T21:53:00.000-05:00

Fall will officially be here in three days. Despite what the actual calendar says, it has already been here. The green trees on my drive to work (as well as many of the trees in our beautiful neighborhood) is littered with sporadic splotches and yellows and oranges. The reds and browns have not shown up yet, but like the calendar says, it's not fall quite yet.

To be festive, I listened to Picaresque (an album of perfection) today during my drive. I truly love The Decemberists, and now they always make me think of David. Of all of the music I have introduced him to, I think The Decemberists is the one band he is most grateful for. It's adorably endearing.

So, people are so bent out of shape. Everyone is in this huge hurry to either A) be incredibly and ridiculously politically correct or B) Be dramatic and try to draw attention to themselves. The new edition of Vogue Italia has within it an Editorial entitled "Make Love, Not War" that serves as a commentary of "The War on Terror". It shows scantily clad male and female models, posing (sometimes clothed, sometimes nude) in many "war-like" activities. These activities being mud and arm wresting, kissing, drinking, smoking, filming each other, getting tattoos, and having sex. So of course, you have your American public freaking out. The main consensus being (and this is a direct quote):

"And then there's the more general issue of the way this editorial is undeniably glamourizing and trivializing war. This editorial's portrayal of war is unrealistic and inaccurate, and maybe even a little ridiculous. War is not sexy, glamorous, or romantic. It's serious business--it takes the lives of many across the globe every single day, and I find it offensive that Meisel is using it as a story for a fashion magazine, a way to sell sex and expensive clothes."

Give me a fucking break, people. If you are that blind and naive, and can't even think for yourself, why are you even bothering with voicing your opinion?! Honestly, I think that people spend their time trying to hard to "have an opinion" on things such as religion, politics, etc., that they don't even bother thinking about it, and instead of forming an opinion based on BEING EDUCATED ON THE SITUATION (the most important thing here, people), they just go with the most obvious view possible, and follow the crowd. "OMG this is like, so offensive to me, my brother's friend's cousin is in squad blah blah sector yourmom and that is NOT what war is like!"

No shit, idiot. It is painfully obvious that "sex and expensive clothes" is purely the "red haring" (if you will) here. Yes, it is about that. It's a fashion magazine. But there is more to it. Meisel is using this spread to voice his own opinion about the war, and it is NOT that it glamorous, or sexy. I thought the message was pretty obvious. They are trying to show that they feel the war is unnecessary and ridiculous. I don't understand how people are thinking that this editorial is trying to "glamorize" war. If anything, it's the opposite. It's a satire. "OMG they're trying to make it look so hawt, with these muscles and beautiful women!" Oh, come on!

Was said of the title:
"Additionally, the stupid title "Make Love, Not War" title, which I saw before the rest of the editorial, put an idea in my head, the idea of war protesting and (embarrassingly) politically active hippies. But the characters are doing nothing to actively show anything anti-war. They are there in it, fighting it, their beautiful, rich women in tow. Therefore I see the title as misleading, cliche, and having nothing to do with the content."

Seriously?! The title is perfect. They are using a classic American phrase, and it is just as sarcastic as the photoshoot is. It fits it sooo well. And allow me to stress again how much I love that Americans are accusing this of "glamorizing war". Who glamorizes this more than your own country?!
"Join the Army, and look how much more of an amazing person you will be!"
"Be all that you can be! (in the Army)"
"Join the Marines, and make a name for yourself!"
"Join the Military, Join Strength!"

I see these commercials AND posters everywhere. Not to mention the fact that recruiters go to highschools and try to tell people: "Hey, it's okay that you had bad grades. The Armed Services will help pay for all of your expenses!"

I am in no way Anti American, or Anti any armed services. My dad was in the Navy for 20 years and he is the most amazing person ever. I am just so sick of particular close minded people pointing the finger at EVERYONE except for their own culture. Open your eyes, and grow up. Especially.. well, not to mention (and ohh I so am) Abu Ghraib and how so many people just ignored it, even many of America's own government officials. "Yeah well, they probably had American blood on their hands, so it's okay." "Probably"?! That makes it okay to act disgustingly inhumane to those people?! Yeah.. okay. No country is perfect, and I am sick of so many people trying to act like America is. And the fact that some douche bag decided to join the Marines doesn't make him any better of a citizen as someone who chooses not to participate in the war. Which is more American? Blindly killing, or trying to regain peace? Neither. And it's an argument that will go on forever.

Okay that is enough for now. I don't share my opinions on crap like this often, but I just had to get it out.

..Also.. traffic brings out the worst in humanity..

..And I also thought I would add that David is playing Halo..

Night!

Sweet isn't as sweet without the sour

2007-09-14T15:14:00.000-05:00

As the financial adviser of this relationship, I keep close tabs on our money spending. I check both of our online bank accounts daily, making sure no expenses go by unnoticed. This morning, the boy tells me to not check his account, and I just received the reason why.

It's a nice thing to receive on a day that I feel like hell. I think I am half brain dead, as well. Yesterday I had an insane fever. I lied in a bathtub of pure hot water for an hour and was still cold. Last night I called work and told them I was not going to be there this morning. After a restless night of so called sleep, I wake up today with the majority of the fever gone but left with a horrible headache and general blah feeling. Every conversation I have had today has felt strange and surreal, and kind of like I was struggling to connect thoughts. This entry will probably not end up being to the usual standard I post in, but that's okay. I don't know what is going on with me. I am dreading work tomorrow, but hopefully I will feel a lot better.

So, a few things.

I have been reading a lot lately.
Halloween was disappointing. It was filmed and acted well, but the story was ridiculous and depressing. How many times must I tell people that remakes are one of the worst things you can do?!
Nags Head was fun. The boy and I stopped by the Wright Brother's Memorial on the way home. I posted some pictures on my flickr. More on that later when I am feeling up to par.
A new boxed set of My So Called Life being released with actual extras?! *spaz*
*spaz*
I think I may kill Riley before the day is over.

Holiday. To stay. In a heartbeat.

2007-09-06T16:27:00.000-05:00

David and I are off to a mini vacation, and a much needed one at that. Lots of friends, games, laughs, swimming, beach cottages, ocean waves.

Pictures and an update later.

p.s. work is going well, and they are paying me more than I even asked. Yay for lots more money coming in!

2007-08-30T21:34:00.001-05:00

Waiting for poor Davey to come back from being X Rayed.

Weekends

2007-08-23T13:05:00.000-05:00

This past Saturday, the boy and I went to the beach and hung out with Kenny and Emily. The weather was nice and the water was a really good temperature, but the waves were crazy and kept forcing me underneath their wrath. And according to David, the Atlantic tastes a lot better than the Pacific. Maybe so, but I preferred the laid back attitude of the Hawaiian waters. Although cutting your feet on the bottom out there sucked.

Afterwards we went back to Kenny and Emily's and watched The Lookout. Not the greatest movie, but I won't ever turn down the chance to watch Joe.

We have had near perfect weather this past few days. It's barely gone over 80 and I have been keeping the balcony door open. On to pictures!

David and Kenny went into the water while Emily and I talked about George Bush wanting to spend billions of dollars while colonizing Mars and how he can't think of better things to do with this country's money.. yet.. we (Emily and myself) can think of lots.

She can make intimidating faces. Kenny took this.

Protester

2007-08-20T15:40:00.000-05:00

--Phone Pic

Oh, when the day is blue.

2007-08-14T16:46:00.001-05:00

I truly cannot wait for the season of fall. I can already feel it in the air.

Photographic documentation of this weekend.

2007-08-13T12:27:00.000-05:00

We first stopped by Daily Ground, the local coffee shop in our neighborhood.

Then off to ride the ferry to Waterside in Norfolk.
Everyone's face looks bad from this angle.. haha.

And we arrive.

One of the many things I love about Norfolk is bunches of these mermaids. And like snowflakes and fingertips, no two are alike. They are all incredibly unique and hand crafted. This one is one of my favorites.

While looking at this mermaid, if you turn around and look straight ahead over the water, you will see the picture painted on this mermaid. It is the sun setting on the waterfront of Olde Towne Portsmouth. Our apartment building is also depicted. So pretty!

Off to the Chinese Gazebo to see the fishies.

The weather was perfect this weekend. As was the company.
<3

Cake and Sodomy

2007-08-10T12:21:00.000-05:00

What a tragic thing becoming a mature adult is. Or perhaps this isn't even an issue of being a mature adult. Maybe it's really just pure human decency. I've always been able to handle anything except for animal cruelty. In addition to this strong stomach I thought I had, I have always been fascinated with anyone who made their mark living in another century, anyone born in another time period other than my own. I have always known of the infamous Marquis de Sade. I know his story, I know of his "literature". But only did I recently decide to read some of his actual writings and holy god, was that a mistake. I did not read all of 120 Days of Sodom, only a small excerpt of the notes that the Marquis did not have time to finish into his story. That was enough. The funny thing is (the term "funny" here is debatable) if I had read this in while I was around 15 or 16 years old, I doubt that I would have been so disturbed by it. I would have wanted to see Passolini's film based on these writings. Now at age 22 (granted, a young adult) I have no desire to see this movie. I can't even bring myself to smell the pasta that I had made for dinner the day I read this excerpt. I left it to David to eat the entire lot. The herb named basil may have been ruined for me forever. I truly had no idea the degree of disgustingness that came from that man. I read somewhere that 120 Days was written out of spite. A sort of "Hey look, you can put me in jail and I can STILL write the most appalling thing known to man and get it published! Na na na na na!" I sincerely want to believe that this is true. Strangely, it makes me feel better. Even still, I feel weird about being so affected by this.

Anyways, onto non disgusting things. Every morning for the past two weeks I would watch David leave the bedroom, going to work, with his hair in a little pony tail. He would every now and then bring up the idea of shaving his head and I would pout and repeatedly say "NOoo!" But then one morning for some strange reason, looking at that pony tail, I got sad. The poor kid rides his bike in horrible humidity every morning and afternoon just to save us money, and plus he does everything in his power to make me happy. I decided to quit being a stupid girl and let him know that I wouldn't be upset if he shaved his head. Well, he shaved it and I must say: *sigh* I miss the hair. A lot. Afterwards I let him know that he will not be shaving it again until next August. Yep, I pulled the lame girlfriend card which is something I never do. Because I am awesome and above all other females. Except when it comes to his hair, haha. It was just so beautiful, and I loved it! *sniffle*

Finally, after fucking forever, I saw Marie Antoinette. Opinion? Hmm. Well Sofia Coppola definitely did a good job at not accounting for actual historical politics in this one. But then again, I have never been opposed to showing a different point of view to an otherwise well known story. And that's what she wanted to do. So.. mission accomplished I suppose. The soundtrack is freaking amazing, though. I can't stop listening to it. It reinstated my love for The Cure's All Cat's Are Grey. Beautiful.

So, the boy and I are probably going on a date some time this weekend! This is exciting. We really haven't been able to do things like this lately. And it's been such a long time since I have connected with Ghent and Downtown Norfolk. This should be a good weekend. Now off to the gym!

Oh Icarus, tempting fate again.

2007-08-01T20:32:00.000-05:00

Hello internet world. I suppose I can shell out some attention to this small corner for a little while.

Last weekend the boy and I went to see Sunshine. I really had no idea what to expect from this movie, but in the end I liked it. It's worth seeing. Even if at some point during the movie you realized that you haven't taken a breath in about five minutes, and you really do not know when you will be able to breathe again. It wasn't a bad thing, it just shows how incredibly intense the movie was. Definitely the sign of good film making. Granted, I believe the movie Irreversible did the same thing to me, but I doubt I will be watching that movie again anytime soon. It (Irreversible) was just.. "done well", you could say. Even the erection in question (you know what I am talking about if you have seen this movie) was a product of CGI. But hey as far as entertainment goes, Sunshine definitely takes the category.

So.. Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween is out in about 29 and a half days. Yes, I am counting down that freakishly. Mostly because I am dying to see if Kenny is in it. And also because, I am sorry to say, it just looks damn good. Yes, I said sorry to say. Why? Because I make it well known that I am against horror remakes. I love horror movies. I was exposed to them at a young age, and when I cried because it scared me, my uncle and brother assured me of the level of fakeness these movies entailed. So by the time I was about five, I already had these gruesome peices of fiction figured out. To this day, I have seen one horror remake that I actually like (and maybe a handful of non horror related remakes). This Halloween, however, is kind of giving me something to look forward to. I just hope my dearest Zombie's don't let me down.

Speaking of Kenny, he drops the bomb on my sometime last week that he and Emily may be relocating to North Carolina. *sigh* This was pretty upsetting for me, being that Kenny is the only person I have known pretty much since moving to Virginia 13 years ago and one of the few people I can spend tons of time with, let alone one of the few people that truly know my personality incredibly well. He was always telling me to let Nathan go, back when he would break my heart again and again. He was happy and supportive when David came into my life. We also always had the same vision and philosophy on life and how to live it. Ugh this is depressing me again. There is a small chance that they will change their minds, but oh well. If they really do move away.. then they are doing it because it's what makes them happy. And that's what life is about. Just doing what makes you happy. So I would have to be happy for them.

That being said, we are all supposed to be having a typical summer get together at Corey's this weekend. Grilling, swimming, and funny movies. Should be fun!

Okay David is shaving the dogs, this is just too exciting to not be a witness.

First in line at Harry Potter

2007-07-27T15:49:00.000-05:00

Just don't break my heart

2007-07-26T16:14:00.000-05:00

and I won't break your glasses.

Oh, marvelous things.

2007-07-15T00:36:00.000-05:00

I was woken up this morning by a boy handing me a beautiful sprig of pink flower taken from one of the prettiest trees in our neighborhood. Currently, this boy is cursing over the lack of good forums on the movie The Fountain. I try to tell him to ignore the silly posts and lack of understanding by the people who see the movie. But his rage takes over, and he just pains himself by reading further. Silly boy.

I am now listening to music I have not been able to listen to in about two and a half years. Sounds silly, I know. But the most innocent things in this world can have the most wicked connotations. But it's time for a feng shui of the mind, Kasey. Mind and heart.

Anyways, onto.. Harry Potter! *sigh* Oh how I love this lovely world that was invented for us by an Oh So Clever Brit. We met Kenny and Emily at The Commodore dinner theater to see it.

It is in my opinion that each movie released is better than the last. Story aside, even. The photography and direction gets prettier, and as David pointed out, more mature. I have pretty much had an unhealthy fascination with Severus Snape and Ron Weasley ever since the beginning. Such prettiness. It is also in my opinion that Snape will actually NOT be revealed as ultimately evil in Deathly Hallows. I refuse to believe! Dumbledore had some tricks up his sleeves, dammit! Even up to his (supposed) death (I'm not saying I refuse to believe he's dead, just.. that the entire situation wasn't what it seemed). I, like the rest of the world, am incredibly anxious for the next book.

Okay enough dorkness. David and I went to Target today and, due to cabin fever I believe, played around in the kids clothing section. Now, my strange body is so small that I have been known to buy tiny little hoodies from the little girl's section of stores. And they always fit perfectly. Well today I discovered the most adorable dress in the little girl's section, and at David's urging, tried it on. I must say, it looked completely adorable and fit me very well. So we got it. Woo! Yeah that's right, a 22 year old can fit into a dress made for a girl no older than maybe twelve. Jesus hell.

Okay I am tired, and David is translating the Spanish subtitles in The Pan's Labyrinth quite accurately. As much as I do not care for the Spanish language, I have to say, it's pretty impressive and I am now off to go jump him because everyone knows: Intelligence is sexy.

"I want three poached eggs in the village." *sigh* Sexy.

Rain and freaky thunder

2007-07-10T14:55:00.000-05:00

Rain is especially pretty when you're thirteen floors up.

p.s. I took away the "no anonymous comments". Therefore, any mature comments are welcome yet again.

Oh, love.

2007-07-09T21:06:00.000-05:00

Pumpkins on Letterman tonight!

And, for adorable kicks:

Midnight Margaritas!

2007-07-08T18:56:00.000-05:00

Sam came over last night after he got off work and we made margaritas!

I remember laughing so hard at some point I couldn't breathe. Then we took turns, each choosing from our music libraries and playing songs. Eventually, we all just fell asleep.

I woke up this morning due to a phone call from Sam, thinking he was still on our couch. He wasn't, surprisingly, and said he was coming back over to cook for us. In part because he said he felt bad that he didn't help us clean anything up, which is silly because there really wasn't anything to clean up. I take good care of this apartment, especially the kitchen! I hate messy kitchens, and always make sure we never have one.

So today is a lazy day, considering we didn't get much sleep last night. We have just been sitting around and watching Harry Potter movies. I am currently attempting to finish the last of the margarita mix I left in the fridge. Mm, a good Sunday.

Look at all that beautiful curly hair!

Samwise:

Look at those tan lines. Sexy.

Vasoline afterbirths and neon coughs.

2007-07-04T22:33:00.000-05:00

YAY for fixing the pictures two posts ago!

Fourth of July in the state that birthed this little country. David and I stayed home and again, watched the fireworks from our balcony. Our bird's-eye view is so high that we could see up to eight different major firework displays, not counting the ones right in front of our faces. It was quite lovely.

Earlier this morning I was worried that the only kind of holiday feasting we were going to be able to do was to split a bag of popcorn and a single vending machine bag of M&M's. But alas, meus mater bought us some groceries. As of tomorrow, we should not be having anymore predicaments such as this.

Zeitgeist has finally been leaked online, and David snatched it up. Listening to it today was wonderful. I truly missed the beauty of this band. They released a message that they will be having a CD release party on the day the album comes out in Washing D.C. next week. My little heart jumped and I adorably approached David with the idea of taking another trip. After all, it should only take about three to three and a half hours to get there. Good ole fellow Pumpkin Eater Kenny left me a message asking if I was planning to go. Um, DUH! As long as it doesn't cost an arm and a leg (which I'm sure it won't), I am there with bells on.

Life is good this year.

Relax and fade away

2007-06-28T22:13:00.000-05:00

Okay I have no idea why the hell my pictures randomly disappeared, but it's annoying. I hate blogspot. Livejournal is so much better in so many ways, but frankly I am sick of livejournal. It depresses me.

Anyways, here is a video of the acoustic Rocket I was talking about in the previous entry. I just uploaded it yesterday.. I think.

Should I fall from grace here with you?

2007-06-27T21:50:00.001-05:00

Billy and Jeff, originally uploaded by whoakasey.

Okay so this past weekend was wonderful, needless to say. We packed for a camping trip. David busted out some sleeping bags.

Riley helped.

It took us six hours to get to Asheville, North Carolina. The car ride there felt fairly short, although the typical feelings of excitement and anxiousness were not omitted. I didn't know what to do with myself, knowing that I was going the see my very first favorite singer, celebrity crush, fascination, person of utmost artistic respect (yes, all of this at the mere age of ten. I was advanced. Even Kenny commented about how I was always mature for my age) in about 24 hours. So, David and I drove, ate chocolate, made faces at each other, and took pictures.

So we finally make it to Asheville. I am so glad that David was able to see this beautiful town. I have always loved it. It is so beautifully green in the warm months and hills and mountains are everywhere. Also, it is the home of the Biltmore Estate! Very exciting.

We get to our campsite with lots of daylight to spare. An event which made me very happy. I was worried about having to set up our tent at night.

Look at David being all manly.
The campground was quite lovely. The road to it was pretty creepy at night. Incredibly windy and curvy, and in the middle of NOWHERE, so it was very dark. Our tent was right next to the river. It was nice.
After setting up our tent, we went to drive by The Orange Peel to see if people had started lining up yet. I was actually surprised to see that there weren't any crazy "hardcore" SP fans out there yet. So we walked around downtown Asheville, which, I think we both fell in love with. It has so much! So many little art boutiques, cigar shops, museums, record stores, indie shops, interesting restaurants, coffee shops. There was even an old school, red, double decker bus that was turned into a coffee shop. All in the middle of beautiful, scenic, mountainous North Carolina. We even stumbled across a park right in the middle of it all. The park was filled and polluted with waves of people, dancing and playing drums. The first thing that David and I thought of, simultaneously, were The Drummers in Neal Stephenson's "Diamond Age". It was interesting.

Eventually, Kenny called and said that he and Emily were on their way and that they would be in line at eight o'clock the next morning. After eating some sushi (while I read about the Pumpkins in the local, "pop culture" paper) and taking some pictures of the marquee (and myself getting a bit squealish), we headed back to camp.
The next morning we arrived at The Orange Peel at around.. nine thirty I believe. I kind of rushed David while we were getting ready. I don't think he knew how serious I was when I said I wanted to be there early. Kenny and Emily had already taken a spot outside of the door with about 15 other people there already. The sun was beaming, and I was already feeling the annoyance of June weather. I was in all good spirits, though. David may think we are all crazy for being there that early, considering the doors didn't open for another ten hours. But consider how amazing it is when you are as two feet away from a band you have loved for over half of your life. Yeah. Amazing.

*The following photos taken by David*
The day went on. The heat was cursed. The line grew bigger and bigger. People started popping out umbrellas and even walking down the line, offering free water. Everyone got sunburn. Everyone got to know the five or six people on either side of them. One girl had Billy's autograph tattooed on her hip. She also had the Bullet With Butterfly Wings symbol tattooed on her side. Another girl had a Mayonnaise lyric (my favorite SP song!) tattooed on her arm. One guy has the entire hood of his car painted into a Smashing Pumpkins flag.

So anyways, moving along to the important stuff. The doors finally opened and I was able to get a spot really close to the middle, all the way in the front. The opening band wasn't bad. They were called Celebration. They were unique, but kind of repetitive. The singer looked like Jenny Lewis, but acted like a semi calmed down Karen O. Very much drum oriented. It was entertaining. Then finally it was time for the Pumpkins. I already knew their into music, but it was still amazing to hear the Suspiria theme come out through the PA when the lights went out. Suspiria is an amazing movie with creepy ass music. I loved it. And of course it was even better when they came out. They opened with a song off of their album that isn't out yet (which I said they should NOT do, but oh well). The played for two and a half hours, which was no where near long enough in my opinion, but it was all amazing. I took tons of pictures and even recorded a video of Billy playing an acoustic version of Rocket. I only got the last minute or so of it, but it's a good video. I didn't put EVERY picture on my flickr, but a good amount. Go look!

Oh, it was a funny little thing.

2007-06-21T23:12:00.000-05:00

Woo, an update so close to the last. Exciting.

So yesterday David and I went off to run around in Ghent for a while. We stopped by a park and ate some cherries and chocolate that we had previously bought at a local Harris Teeter.

We sat on a bench in this pretty little park and took turns projecting the seeds from our mouths onto the ground. Hey, it isn't littering if it's just seeds!

On a nearby bench there was a man in an orange shirt with crutches sitting and listening to some headphones. He was acting in a way that would suggest that he is clinically insane. At least, in my opinion. An old couple walked by and greeted us.

Eventually, after much adoration of the fireflies from afar (he always gets amazed when he sees them, since this is the first time he's seen them in person), David went to sit near a bunch of them.
While sitting around, David discovered that there was a Geocache in the tree that all of the little fireflies seemed to be so fond of. It wasn't one of the cutesy ones, though. Just paper to sign.

After getting incredibly full off off the cherries, we got up and kept walking. We decided to go to the bridge that connects Ghent to downtown Norfolk and look for yet another Geocache. One we already looked for but couldn't find.

On the way, David felt like monkeying around and hanging from a tree above water.
Mmm. Look at that skinny boy.

We found the cache this time. I took the firetruck.

We were right across the water from the Chrysler Museum. If we were a few hours earlier we could have gotten in for free, seeing that it was Wednesday. Oh well. I'm sure we will have lots of other free Wednesdays.

So I am excited about this weekend: Smashing Pumpkins! Tomorrow morning David and I are heading to Asheville, North Carolina, a six hour drive from here. We will be camping in a campground that is only ten minutes away from the venue they are playing at. I have loved Mr. Corgan for 13 years, and am finally going to see him. Woo!

Re.Emerge.

2007-06-19T01:57:00.001-05:00

"Apparently I just broke the game."
--david

Oh, David. You strange yet adorably inviting creature, with your random spurts of wit and cuteness.

Okay, I lied that last time about updating the next day. Oh well. So much stuff lately. Kenny and Emily and James and Corey. Sam and Ryan. Sam and Alex. Movies. Sushi. Movies. Pizza. Walking. Coffee shop. Walking. Losing weight. Walking. Reading. Walking.

I called my dad on Father's Day, which I knew would lead to inevitable depression on my part. Phone conversations with him tend to do that. He tells me how his best friend from Virginia calls him on every single holiday there is, just to make sure he isn't alone and has someone to talk to. Then he complains about how Judy STILL has not hired him any employees. He still is the only person out there on the West. No friends. No coworkers. Just an office thousands of miles away along with all of his friends and his two children. About how somedays his RA is so bad that he cannot even drive to work, or even the DOCTOR for that matter. And how he doesn't even have anyone to call to drive him to the doctor.
Oh I can see it:
"Daughter of San Diego man dies of broken heart on Father's Day."
He says that as soon as he gets AT LEAST a mechanic, so that he may be able to stop doing all of the physical labor himself, one of the job requirements was that on some days, they had to drive him to the doctor. That's it. You get paid to do an most amazing person a favor they deserve. He laughed, but it wasn't a joke.

On the plus side, if his boss does not come through, he says he's done with working in California and he is coming back. Judy may get pissed. She may fire him. But a good paying job means nothing if you have no one to share your life with. Whether it be friends, family, or a significant other.

Ugh. Moving on.

So as you might have noticed in my clever insinuations, David and I have been walking like madmen. Two miles this day. Four miles the next. Two miles after that. Clothing has been fitting better or just getting loose. Either way, it's nice and it feels so effortless. Although Riley may hyperventilate one of these days.

On the times without the dogs, we stop by this coffee shop and read. Cliche, yes. But like the oh so clever Graham Chase says: "Cliches.. happen." Actually, allow me to be more specific. David reads and/or writes. I sit there, read a page, read what he wrote, watch people, read a page, play with my hands. It's because I can't sit still very often. I can, but I will fidget. Or, like a cat, try to amuse myself in someway. You would say: " That's why you have a book in front of you. And it's Lolita!" Oh I know, I know. This is where yet another charmingly negative attribute pops up: I am easily distracted. Other people's conversations not even a foot away from me. The sound of some girl behind the bar singing in a voice that can be, at times, surprisingly beautiful in some way, but annoyingly distracting when trying to read about a European man who fancies young girls.

The apartment. Hmm.. well the apartment looks quite adorable despite the fact that it is still a mere skeleton of how we want it due to lack of funds. It is already the perfect meeting of David's earthy Buddhist paraphernalia and such, and my colorful eccentricity. The air is often moist due to the sliding door being left open, especially at night. David still hasn't experienced the incredibly humid heat of Virginia's summers. Today was one of the first days that was warm enough to go swimming. And hopefully we are able to keep up with all of the walking in the heat.

"God how long are these X Files episodes?"
"It's been on for nineteen minutes!"
"You don't answer that quickly when I ask you normal questions, and I was speaking rhetorically!"
"It's 3:19, and it just came on."
"It's like you were waiting for it. You were sitting there like 'That son of a bitch is going to ask how long this has been on any minute now..' "

Despite my seemingly all together train of thought (arguably?), I am under the influence of a laid back euphoria. Typing stops... now!

Spring in Virginia

2007-05-30T23:08:00.000-05:00

Another fun week! Last Friday we went with Kenny and Emily to The Commodore to see the third Pirates of the Caribbean. It wasn't bad, wasn't great. Entertaining nonetheless.

Then the next day we hung out with Sam and Ryan, then went out to my lovely Kelly's house. There were a handful of people I knew, but majority were their current coworkers. It was still fun and I always love seeing Kelly.

David and I have been doing a lot of subtle decorating jobs lately. We have hung up three posters, my shadow box, my Jackson Pollack painting. Our adorable apartment is coming together wonderfully. It is a perfect harmonious mixture of both of our personalities without looking thrown together or clashing. I love it.

Today was a crazy beautiful day, so David and I went Geocaching! We went to three different sites. We planned on seeing more, but we got a late start and the sun started to set. Anyways, we found the first and the last. The second one we went to.. well, supposedly the author's coordinates were about 75 feet off. We will go searching again tomorrow.

Pictures!

Location of first one. Overlooking the Elizabeth River. The cute thing about this is that David and I walk here everyday. It is along the trail we walk the dogs down.
David's shadow is photographed, as well as my little hoody and giraffe bag.

This one is just a closer look. It's in the hole on the ground.

Closer look of the hole.

The cup/container thingy. Wrapped in electrical tape, I believe.

The adorable contents!

Stuff kept getting blown into the water because of the wind.

David! Mmm look at those sexy, skinny arms.

I fell in love with one of the toys inside and took it. Soo adorable!

The last cache was clever. We had to lift up the bottom on a light post.

Tis all for now. Another post tomorrow.

PICTURE POST!

2007-05-23T22:08:00.001-05:00

Corey, Kyoto, Emily.

The sexy David. Kenny Kenny the Pumpkin Eater

Kenny and Emily

David

Sam!
The Rug!

Cannibal Girl

2007-05-23T01:46:00.000-05:00

So much fun lately!

Gone over to Kenny's and played board games. Emily gave us the best rug ever. I have been in love with it ever since she first moved in with Kenny. Introduced David to the wonder that is Eli Roth. Also, introded him to Kyoto. Which is a whole entire planet of it's own. Or, his own rather.
Resumed our walks into Norfolk. Went to Relative Theory and David bought a Decemberists record. Perfect band for record playing.
Sam and Ryan came over the other night.
Sam came over again the next night. He cooked for us and we watched The Oh in Ohio. Interesting movie.
Walking the dogs around and admiring the amazing beauty that is our neighborhood. David still can't get over how beautiful it is here. Can't really blame him.
Today we went to my favorite Greek restaurant in Ghent. They've changed it a bit. David looked at the prices for Hookahs.

My only complaint is that I miss the kitties. They are staying at my mom's until we can sneak them in here. She doesn't want anymore pets, but I can tell she really loves having them there.

So, DAVID AND I GOT TICKETS TO SEE SMASHING PUMPKINS! I am sooo excited! And it isn't the lame ass festival that costs $200 a ticket. It's in a small venue in North Carolina for twenty dollars. Kenny, of course, went all out and get tickets to see six shows. Crazy kid. This year has been his dream. Officially being hired by Rob and Sheri Zombie, being flown out to the set of Rob's new Halloween remake and making a guest appearance in it, meeting Alicia Silverstone, and now this whole Pumpkins reunion and new album is enough to push him over the edge. In the best possible way of course.

I knew that this summer would be one of the best in years. I am glad it's living up to expectations. The only suck ass thing is that we weren't able to see Arcade Fire in Baltimore. This was one band I was dying to see. *sigh* Next time, my amazing Canadian fellows.

Pictures coming soon.

Welcome to the Odyssey

2007-05-14T22:06:00.000-05:00

Finally home! Two months was a long time. David's apartment had become so familiar that it unknowingly tricked my mind into feeling like it was home. Things felt weird when we finally got back to Virginia. But that only lasted until I was able to sleep and wake up again.

Speaking of sleep. I had three hours of it during a 41 hour time period. It wasn't fun. We leave Arizona on Monday at around 4 in the afternoon. David drives for twelve hours straight, and I take over when we hit Texas. We had been on the road for over twelve hours by this point. He sleeps and I drive for six more hours. Then he wakes up and takes over because by that time I am delirious. Six hours later, we arrive at my Grandmother's house.

I love my family. They are all silly and crazy and fun. That evening when David, myself, my grandmother, two aunts, three uncles, and three cousins crowded into my Grandmother's small country house, people scrambled in between the kitchen and living room as my grandmother kept saying "Y'all get in here and get something to eat!" She wouldn't stop until she was sure everyone had a plate. I looked at David and said "We're pretty much like an Italian family.. without being Italian." We ate, we talked. My relatives cooed over how beautiful Fluff and Hiro are. At how cute the rollie pollies (dogs) are. David laughs at my uncle's silly stories, making up how he got the tip of his finger cut off. I believe he found all of the thick country accents just as amusing as well. I tried to prepare him before we got there, but I don't think he fully knew what to expect. Can't blame him. I have no country accent whatsoever. He probably thought I was over exaggerating, but OH was I not! I was just lucky enough to escape the Arkansan dialect and pronunciation. That and I only lived there until I was two. I'm from all over (Navy child), so I have my own unique way of speaking. It can deceive anyone as to just how country my roots are.

Anyways, we sleep well that night and wake up to my grandmother's cooking. Grandmother make the best food. We get a lot of coffee in our stomach's and pack everything up. Off for the next half of our trip. We actually made amazing time getting back to Portsmouth. About 19 hours. I was pleasantly surprised. Although the bad part was that I did not sleep at all.

So we arrive at Portsmouth. Go to my mom's apartment and sleep for about three hours. Wake up, unload the U Haul, then go to dinner with the mom and Kelly and Bud. Come home. Put the bed together. Mess around with our stuff. Finally sleep around one or two in the morning.

Ever since, we have been slowly putting things together and unpacking. Today we had our first visitors, Kenny and Emily! They even brought us lovely adorable housewarming gifts. I love them. We rode the ferry to Norfolk and ate at California Pizza Kitchen. Now we are back at home. I'm wearing pajamas with a long sleeved shirt because it's cold. My hair is up and I am wearing David's glasses, as I often do when we lounge around. We're watching Roman Holiday (yay Audrey!) and I just whined for the boy to make me hot chocolate.

Now for some pictures!

This is Fluff lying in the pet taxi at some point during the trip. I love this kitty. He took an instant liking to me.

Kenny and Emily! Emily was the one holding the conversation in this one, so I couldn't get a good one of her. Oh well.

Now finally the presents they got us! They were such "Kenny and Emily" presents, I love them. The first pic is my so called "artistic" one. The next with the flash on (I am an adamant hater of the flash effect on cameras) so you can actually see the pretty colors.

If this entry lacks a certain flow, I apologize. I feel quite exhausted from the past two weeks. More info about our trip to my dad's apartment in San Diego and our amazing apartment later. Or on David's blog. Whichever comes first.

2007-05-07T12:53:00.000-05:00

Twenty hour drive to Grandma's house.
Then about eighteen more to home.

I do believe that we are finally leaving today.
I am so ready to leave this lifeless state.

I don't mind you keeping me on pins and needles

2007-04-22T02:51:00.000-05:00

Last night was a scary flash back of the fifth grade. When I was around ten years old, I had horrible nightmares. Yes, everyone has them. But these scared me to the point that I was actually afraid of falling asleep again. They were so vivid and real that one specific dream led to the development of my greatest fear: going insane.

Last night I experienced another frightening dream. One that David actually woke me up from because I was apparently so enthralled into this scary reality it woke him up as well. All I knew is that one minute I'm terrified and breathing strangely, then I hear "Kasey, you're having a bad dream." and I am waking up. Despite the twelve years I have aged, I felt like a little girl again. After being woken up (thankyou), I was afraid of falling back asleep and even my surroundings. David's arms and words were comforting, but he fell back asleep soon after and I was left alone with my fears again. I was convinced something was wrong with me. Of course when I woke up this morning I felt better. I don't know why I expected the opposite.

Speaking of the boy, we have been going to the hot tub on a regular basis and, as of late, the gym. It feels nice. If I'm not active I get antsy and moody.

Yesterday we went to a lovely Mexican restaurant then came home and watched Lolita. I had forgotten how absolutely adorable Dominique Swain is in that movie. Tomorrow will hopefully consist of hair trimming and obtaining packing boxes. David's last day of work is next week, we have a lot of catching up to do. I miss Virginia, and it misses me. I even talked to my mom yesterday and she said she feels lost without me there. That was horribly depressing.

I am, however, looking forward to a cross country road trip. I have always wanted to do that! All of the sites. Landscapes. Conversations. Conversations with David are so different. He builds up this sort of mysterious romanticism that you can't help but to be intrigued by and then smile.

Time to go. Vincent D'Onofrio is on the television. Mmmm..

Little girl, you should close your eyes.
That blue that's making me high is making me low.

Kiss me, it'll heal.

2007-04-19T15:58:00.000-05:00

I had a dream the other night that made me realize just how homesick I am.
I miss Virginia. I miss how pretty it is and how fun the people are.
I miss all of the water. I miss all of the color. I miss all of the trees. The 300 (and plus) year old buildings, homes, and churches.
I love being here with David, he's the best person to be around and makes it easy to have fun.
It's an okay place to visit, but I would never stay here longer than necessary.
No offense, Phoenix and it's dwellers, but this place pales in comparison.
Aside from a few pretty flowers and plant life, this place is ugly and bland.

I miss my friends.

Driving around aimlessly and taking hundreds of pictures with Sam. Acting completely retarded and laughing.

Queer as Folk and My So Called Life marathons and horror movies with Kenny.
Hearing him talk of the next task requested of him by Rob and Sheri Zombie as their personal assistant from afar.

Useless philosophical conversations and debates with Ryan. Live music, German beer.

Intense musical and societal scrutiny from James. Extreme (drunken AND sober) wit. Surprisingly old school (and I mean OLD SCHOOL) intelligence.

If anything, being away just makes me that much more excited to show David all of these parts of my life that I love. He has already met the majority of my friends, and they all like him a lot. It's going to be fun and interesting throwing him into the mix.

Days swiftly come and go

2007-04-17T19:45:00.000-05:00

Listening to my dad complain and bitch about his coworkers and how their work pales with incompetence compared to the work he does, I realize: I am so my father's daughter. We should start a business together, we'd rule the world with our genius and ridiculously high level of common sense and logic. Nooch.

Although, it does worry me. I don't want him to be neglected by his boss and company, yet I don't want him to lose his job because they think he's becoming more and more fed up with their business ethics that are apparently becoming lame. But he's an intelligent person, I'm sure he can make them realize they are being retarded.

So my jeans have practically been falling off of me for the past week or so. This makes me smile. Walking practically everywhere we go to on the weekends was a good idea, thanks David. :) Or was it mine? Although, last weekend a state of lethargy set over the apartment. It wasn't exactly productive, but it felt nice. We are always so adamant about being active every chance we get, just sitting around and napping whenever we wanted was a good change.

I started this post about three hours ago and got taken away from it. I lost my flow. End.

I want to eat your brains and gain your knowledge

2007-04-09T18:08:00.000-05:00

By reading my title, I bet you can't guess that I saw Grindhouse this weekend. I give it a thumbs up, for the record (Rose McGowan can come to my house and shake it anytime she wants). Especially the faux trailers. Oh, Eli Roth. Not many people understand you, but I do. In all of your exploiting glory. In all of your intense eyebrow glory.

The only disappointing thing was the fact that there was no trailer for Rob Zombie's Halloween. Of course, due to the ever so handy invention of the internet, I have seen the trailer already. It just would have been nice to see it on a big screen. I still have no idea how I feel about this movie. I am known for my dislike of horror remakes/prequels, of which Rob's movie is both. Granted there have been some good ones (I thought the remake of The Hills Have Eyes was perfect), most of them are just ridiculous. Violence for violence sake, simply because people cannot come up with their own decent horror movies anymore. Rob's film making is so so with me. I could go either way, and I have a feeling that Halloween will turn the knob in a more obvious direction. Either way, I am excited about it. I especially hope that the part that Kenny filmed for it makes it into the final cut. Seeing my best friend in a movie on the big screen is one of the cutest things that I can think of.

Apart from the Grind Fest and Eli Roth goodness, this weekend also consisted of voluptuous women playing with fire, a headache that lasted three consecutive days (including throwing up Saturday morning), and visits from my dad.

My dad's situation can make me sad if I think too much about it, but seeing him everyday this weekend made me feel a little better. He seems to be doing fine. At least, he's still the positive upbeat person I always like to think he is. I definitely have his personality, and David even commented on this fact. Even if situations are not ideal, we take everything lightly and just laugh at life. I'm not a dramatic person. I'm laid back and rely on my logic rather than emotions. I'm not immature, childish, or make a bigger deal out of things than what should be. Hence the fact that the only friends I have that I actually hang out with are male. I don't deal well with female drama, and stay out of it. Even when provoked, I'm calm and sensible and my attitude about it is always along the lines of "What in the world is the point to all of this?"
I think all of this is a safe bet as to (at least some of) the reason why my mom and dad started to clash so much. She is pretty much the opposite of my dad and me. Granted, she is tons better about it now. But rewind a few years, and that woman drove me CRAZY.

One thing I will say, though, is that I wish my dad would find a girlfriend. That would make me feel better. I can't stand thinking of anyone in my family being alone, which they all are.

Give me a break

2007-04-06T00:06:00.000-05:00

As David tells me about this seemingly interesting story about Sweeney Todd and how Johnny Depp will be in the movie adaptation, I am intrigued. As soon as he says "Tim Burton will be directing it.", I immediately roll my eyes and proceed to say: "Johnny Depp and Tim Burton should just fuck each other in the ass, film it, and put Danny Elfman music to it. People would love it."

David laughs, and tells me to put it in my blog.

sigh

2007-04-05T16:30:00.000-05:00

Dear America,

I am so, so sorry that your value of "Separation of Church and State" has been blatantly raped and hung for everyone to see. You're a great country with many positive aspects no others have. However, your Republicans are too close minded and gross. Your Democrats are too silly and idealistic. Any party inbetween will never get the attention they deserve.

Also, I am sorry for doing what I hate: Preaching about politics.
David let's go. Let's move to Venice, I'm ready!

Made of gold. Silk. Arabian thread.

2007-04-04T14:57:00.000-05:00

"Look what she did!", David said holding up a Target bag. "She gave you an entire bag for this!"

"It's okay, we'll plant a tree tomorrow." I said, amused at his passion for this poor, barely used bag.

"Don't placate me!" Placate? Me? Never!

Oh, Buddhist hippies. I can hear it now: "I'm not a hippie!" Yeah whatever.

So last night we bought the greatest thing ever. After receiving good news from David's dad, I figured it was okay for us to invest in our first toy for our Virginia apartment.
Say hello to Isabella de Rossi Argento!

She's sexy. I decided we had to name her something Italian, so I said Isabella. David suggest de Rossi, stemming from what I assume to be my love and attraction (and maybe now his) for the beautiful actress Portia de Rossi. Then I suggested Argento, for the Italian Horror filmmaker: Dario Argento. Isabella is a lovely addition to our family, and I just used her this morning. Mm, coffee. It's been too long.

While at Target, I also bought some yellow nail polish and a birthday card for my mom. Her birthday is the 12th, and I'm kind of sad I won't be there. Ever since Kelly moved out all she has is Tilly and Bunny. Hopefully Kelly took that day off to hang out with her. I wouldn't be surprised.

We came home, I painted my nails and we watched May. So many great people and amazing music in that movie. Maybe tonight I'll make David watch an Audrey Hepburn movie. It feels like an Audrey day.

Spaceboy, I missed you

2007-03-26T00:36:00.000-05:00

I just heard some of the greatest news ever:

The Smashing Pumpkins finally released a tour date in the U.S., and it's about three hours away from my home in Virginia. The Virgin Festival in Baltimore. (!!) I'm insanely excited, being that The Smashing Pumpkins is the first thing outside of my family that I ever loved. I am completely and totally serious about that statement, ask anyone.

Hmm, disturbing conversations are kept between the boy and I:
K: "I could get behind that."
D: "You could get behind me."
K: "And do what, jack you off so it's like you're doing it only not?"
D: *looks hopeful*

Speaking of The D, he is the most adorable thing ever. This morning he came home from getting the dogs and brought me a coffee and croisant, calling me "My little Audrey."

Mm, coffee. Speaking of my wonderful caffeinated friend, there is no coffee pot in this apartment. I've been okay so far, but the lack of one is started to get to me. I may have to invest in one before David and I even get back to Portsmouth and settle in.

David and I just back from Honolulu this morning at 5 A.M. We had a lot of fun, and got tons of needed excercise. I may post pictures later, right now I don't really feel like it. Either way, it was a beautiful place and our skin is now darker and our calves are stronger (we walked to the very top of a crater -- I thought my legs were going to die).

Scott and Jori's wedding was quite lovely, and timed perfectly with the sunset. Although, everyone congratulated the lovely couple.. except me. I'm sorry, but I suck at that stuff. People's whole "emotions" and "feelings" things. I'm not good at that stuff. It's all good though, Jori has already stated plenty of times just how much she likes me and the idea of David being with me. It warms this emotionless girl's heart.

Oh, Billy Corgan. Here I come my lovely bald freak.

Oh the misery

2007-03-17T04:25:00.000-05:00

I don't know what it is. It could be the fact that I have lived in the East Coast my entire life, and that coming over to the west is very different. Different air. Different foliage. Either way, I can't breathe and my eyes will not stop watering. I've never had allergies in my life. I am actually quite convinced now, at 2:30 in the morning after not being able to sleep and coming back downstairs, that it's the pet dander. When I go outside I am fine. If I am upstairs it's not as bad. But get me around the animals and I am miserable. Which is weird, and retarded. I have had dogs AND cats my entire life. Yet never one allergy. Ever. It's quite annoying.

David is sleeping, so I come down to try and find something to do. I try to read some magazines. "Adbusters." That magazine just pisses me off, so I put it down. I try to read some Ayn Rand books. They just piss me off. They piss me off for the same reason I didn't like V for Vendetta: too fucking preachy. I used to joke and say that the only people who like V for Vendetta were the bleeding heart liberals. Oh, no. Wait. I still say that.

All of the above are just way too preachy and had the "look how I am smarter than you and how I catch on to things that you don't" attitude. While I applaud their honesty and efforts, and even their intentions (Ayn Rand's position even being understandable, considering the time period in which she grew up): Give me a break. I know how to think for myself, thank you. I realize that not everyone does. And if the ignorance of america's so called "sheep" leads to their inevitable doom, let it! The fact that you care enough to preach about it only makes me think you are negating your own philosophy. Quit your bitching and move to another country. A country that better suits your ideals. Because unfortunately, it is nearly impossible to change the mind of the public, especially an entire nation. You are better off living your own life the way it makes sense for you. And just try to be happy while you are here. Because if you can't even find a way to be happy with yourself instead of hating everyone who isn't exactly like you, or as "liberated" as you, you can't possibly make others turn around and do what you try to do yourself. And alas, I am better than you. Because I recognise your faults.

Mark Z. D. is better than all of you.

Moment #1

2007-03-16T22:19:00.001-05:00

Never did I think smoking was sexy until I saw him smoke a cigar.

Daisy, Daisy

2007-03-09T01:50:00.000-05:00

Daisy Daisy,

Give me your answer, do.

I'm half crazy

over the love of you.

"That's not right."

Insomniatic Ramblings

2007-03-08T02:00:00.000-05:00

Ever since I could remember, I have been peeling the skin around my fingernails.
It hurts, stings, and bleeds.
I can't stop.

I have an ex who told me he went on a drug and alcohol binge for at least a year after we broke up.
I have another ex who, well. Let's not get into that. It's too soon for that.

My family (or what used to be my family) has had many pets.
My favorite dog was an adorable English Springer Spaniel named Abby.
Abby used to chew on her feet so much that they would bleed.

I am currently the proud owner of the most beautiful grey cat.
Her name is Tilly.
Tilly licks her hair so much that her body starts to reveal red skin.
Her precious green eyes look at the world with such human wonder.

The same exact wonder that caused me to pick up a camera.
This wonder was geared by the fact that I am like my mother.
Not alike in the sense that we have a lot in common.
My mother never had a lot of friends while I was growing up, because she said that "People were too much of a bother."
I agree with her only to an extent, for I have friends that I love dearly.
Yet, people really are a bother.
I do not possess tolerance, patience, or empathy.
I am an incredibly nice girl, yet I am an apathetic nice girl.
It's hard for me to communicate or form relationships with people who aren't on the same level as me.
I mean that in the least pretentious sounding way as possible.

When I say "level" I mean:

intelligence
common sense
opinions on quality of life
sense/understanding of beauty
honesty
passion

I cannot deal with ignorance, shallowness, insipid ramblings, popularity contests, self destructive behavior, whores, superficiality, muscles with no brains, alcohol/drug usage, slaves to money, imaturity, the image obsessed.

I cannot deal with people.

When I first started talking to David, he told me that he loved photography and that (for some insane reason) he looked up to my (so called) "skills" with a camera. I told him to never go anywhere without his camera. The fact that he didn't carry his camera around was crazy to me. He said something about negative or embarassing feelings he would receive when he wanted to take a lot of pictures while he was out and about, amongst company in his desert town. I told him to keep the same mindset I did: "Fuck it, who cares what other's think/say." Finding beauty in this world is an amazing trait to have. If you have it, don't let it go or let others try to damage it for you. And the more you photograph, the more beautiful the world is.

I did it to escape human drama.

I keep doing it for the beauty.

After all, it's a lot healthier than peeling skin or developing a substance abuse habbit. Acceptance of beauty is hard, but it's best to find it on your own terms and deal with it in a healthy way. And like every other female on this earth, I still struggle with photographs of myself. I can't ever show my entire face. Ever.

This is the closest I have gotten and even still, it's being covered and it is not a straight on view:

P.S. I had no idea that this would turn into a rambling of my lame-o obsession with the ever so cliched and whored out pasttime of photography (not to belittle how amazing it is) or... well, whatever this came out to be. I blame the late nights and what tends to go through your mind when everyone you know has been asleep for hours and you are left alone with thoughts and feelings.

Mm, Delicious Fascism

2007-03-04T19:41:00.000-05:00

Sexual promiscuity is evidence of latent homosexuality?
Homosexuality is a form of narcissism rather than sexual orientation?

Oh, Ann Coulter. Allow me to vomit on your face for being such a disgusting woman in so many countless ways. Including having the audacity to cause an entire political party to laugh when you call a past Vice Presidential nominee a "faggot"? Oo, you almost make me embarassed that I would never call myself a democrat while solidifying my previous notions as to why I would also never call myself a rebublican. This girl remains undefinable. *scowl*

On a happy note: I will hopefully be seeing Arcade Fire in May!

Thank god for tax returns.

2007-03-02T21:45:00.000-05:00

The subject says it all. I'm getting back a hell of a lot more than I thought I would, and it's saving my ass.

I'm so excited that it's March! Lot's of good things in this month. Plus the new Arcade Fire album. Mm, Arcade Fire has my heart.

Yesterday I drove out to Ghent and walked around for two hours. The weather was perfect, so I ended up on the edge of downtown Norfolk. I took pictures, but my photography is lacking lately. My camera is simply unsatisfying these days. I did, however, take a polaroid that I am quite fond of.

I was by myself, but it's one of the last times for that.

We all need a reason to pause

2007-03-01T04:32:00.000-05:00

Lo and behold, it's 4:30 in the A.M. and I am awake. I need to start accepting the fact that, no matter what age I feel, I'm not a child anymore. I look around and the people I surround myself with are steadily moving along.

Sam is soon to be the next Assistant Manager in this district.

Kenny's life is now almost complete, being that he is officially employed by Mrs. Sheri Moon Zombie, and was even cast into a small role by her husband Rob in his remake/prequal of what I believe to be the seventh installment in the horror movie series "Halloween" (that is one hell of a sentence). He is running every website the couple owns, and everyday that goes by he is given even more tasks as their personal assistant from afar. He get's frustrated quite often, but he is living his dream. Next step--running Sheri's clothing line! A feat which I have no doubt he will soon conquer, by the way he is loved by Mr. and Mrs. Zombie.

Those two were my fellow dreamers.

David is gung ho on his web comic. His ideas and writing is adorable and smart all at the same time. He keeps poking that he wants me to be the artist to his author. He could easily find someone with more talent, but I think his sentiment has more sway to this decision than anything else. So, I will oblige and see if I can pull this off. So lately I have been trying to dust off my shoulders and see what kind of art I can come up with. I started with a simple shape and color composition. I have fun doing these. And I used the most fun and elementary medium there is: Crayons. Woo!

Yep, skills still pretty dusty. Then I figured if I am going to be drawing people, I might as well get started on seeing what's left in my hands. David has made his ideas pretty clear to me. It's obvious I will be drawing some sort of version of him in the comics. So, I picked out a picture of him to draw. I sent him what I had of his hair before I left to go to Kenny's.

It was just hair, but he was excited nonetheless. I think it was moreso the flattery than any actual resemblance. Although I will say, that pretty much looks exactly how his hair is now. Including the back flippy that I love.

What does this have to do with allowing myself to grow up? Life is short. I need to move on and allow myself to be happy. I need to stop worrying who my moving on may hurt, and stop hurting the one I want my future to be laid with. Stop letting an old relationship dictate what I want my next chapter in life to become. As a lame-o pop culture reference says, "LIVE IN THE NOW!"

*Meh. On a side note. I am not the most sensitive person. It takes a lot for me to cry or get really upset. But good god, if all stories/images of animals dying could escape their way from me, I would be a happy person. I would kick the face of a kid who shot an animal. Shoot people all you want. I don't care. Just keep the sobby animal stories away from me. That is all.*

Genius

2007-02-27T22:00:00.000-05:00

"Myspace is the Wal Mart of the internet."
--Kenny

The other night I was in Norfolk, and it started to hail. HAIL. I love cold weather, but it's practically March. Give it a rest, Jack Frost.

Also, for someone who is so excited to move, I really haven't taken very many pictures of Harbour Tower. Well, here are a couple.

These aren't even that good. But rest assure, internet world. There will be tons once we move into the building. I plan on attacking David with a good amount of difficult to get out of hair paint. And I will laugh.

A strange and distant land

2007-02-27T03:00:00.000-05:00

The adorable and sunny song of "Holiday" by Weezer has currently filled my head.

Allow me to gush over the next couple of months. I've been excited about this for quite a while. In no less than two weeks I will be taking my very first plane ride (which I am not happy about due to my innate fear of all forms of transportation and heights) to the western part of our country. Reasons are as follows:
1) To visit my dad. I have not seen him since he moved to San Diego.
2) To visit David in Arizona
3) To go to a wedding with said David in Hawaii
4) To help said David take his animals and make the drive back to good ole Virginia

And again, my fear strikes automatically. As David has assured me time and again, he is a good driver. That really doesn't matter to me. The idea of anyone driving me through the mountains in a U-Haul attached to the front of a truck is pretty much a horrible nightmare for me. It will be an adventure, nonetheless.

I've never been much for hot weather. Actually, summer has always been my least favorite season. Having said this, I am looking foward to visiting these warm states. I have struggled with this winter far too long. Virginia can be harsh with it's freezing temperatures.

Once arriving back in the freezing state, we will then be moving into our apartment. It will be a crowded apartment with two dogs, three cats, and a rabbit - but it will be a beautiful apartment.

After spending the past three years in this tiny apartment and the past four years in an emotionally ambiguous relationship, I am horribly excited for everything to change completely. It is exactly what my mind and body needs to move on.

"Blog"

2007-02-26T17:39:00.000-05:00

The first and only time I will ever use this word.
It's such a lame, ugly word.

This entry is for reference.
I am not much of a writer or a documentarian.
These little corners of the internet I stamp my name to are normally created to serve as a form of entertainment to the insomniac inside me.
Let's see how this one goes.
I had a livejournal that really just became the most depressing corner I have created yet.
This particular site will serve as a helpful stone to move on from the past four years of my life.
I vow to make this one as positive as possible.
Hopefully, a reflection of my inspirited outlook on the future laid ahead of me.
The next few months will be insane, fast paced, and wonderful.

TheDixFlatline: Gah, it's so hard to refrain from just talking forever when people ask about you
TheDixFlatline: You're my living Brick